First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just took my morning after pill in the library
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize