she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
