I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
