he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
