Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
