so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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