Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
