I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
