kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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