I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You don't make any sense
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