hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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