i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
