So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
