Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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