If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
