ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
