I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
