foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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