Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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