So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
