break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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