im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
