one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
