so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am naked and annoyed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
