Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
