Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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