Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
