the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
