i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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