you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
