My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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