I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
