VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
