So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
