Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
