I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
