i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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