UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
