I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love having hate sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
