i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
