Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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