every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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