that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
