belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
