we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone came in the potted fern
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize