the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
