just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize