I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
