No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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