I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
