things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
cat food counts as protein by the way
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
