i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
