there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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