Your face is a jimmy john
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize