Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
