thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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