so that wasnt chicken after all
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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