You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
