It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
