Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
