this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
