Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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