I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
