i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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