mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
