all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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