i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
