btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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