I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
