Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
