Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
