he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
