3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
