Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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