I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A+ Viking dick
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize