my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
