wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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