I just cut my nipple shaving
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
