There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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