someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
