so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
