apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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